Cookie Life

Ok so this is all about me and my life, if my sister in all her glory can do this so can I, dammit, Im gonna make time inshallah to keep at least a small bit of my life updated on here.

I am about to be 30 frikkin 2 in 3 weeks, god Im getting old. Sad thing is, I still feel about 20. Apparently my body agrees with me, seeing as how it continues to spit out kids like there is no tomorrow. Today I am about 22 weeks pregnant with kid number 3, due in the first week of June. I can feel this one kicking on the inside, however it doesn't have as much newness and fun as it did the first time around. Now its just mildly annoying.

Im am writing this in a moment of calm, suprising, WELCOME calm where both of the other two are nicely taking their nap. I managed to sell some stuff on eBay, package it up, take it to the post office, go buy diapers at CVS, buy muffins and other pregnancy-craving foods at Safeway, stop by the WIC store for free milk and juice, and walk back home, all with the kids, and all before 2PM.  a VERY productive day. Now if I can just manage to stay awake the rest of the day.....zzzzzz

Sike, no sleep for me, Im not sleepy anyway. I need to do a bit of cleaning, but I know better than to run the vacum now, with the kids asleep. That can wait till later, as can deciding what dinner will be. I had some food today so Im not hungry, but I do have three other mouths to feed.

A list of what I am looking foward to: 1. Having this baby. 2. Getting my mobility back. 3. Hopefully not putting on too much wieght so I dont have to work too hard during the summer to get it off. 4. My sister's visit in June. 5. The superbowl on Sunday - GO STEELERS!!! 6. Project Runway's new episode tonight.

So I have major teeth problems. I think I need not one, but TWO root canals. I have been without internet access for the last 3 or four days, two of which have been spent trying to track down the Verizon people, and also trying to track down information on my dentail coverage. Im not in pain yet, but I know I will be soon, and want to get these taken care of before we get to that point. So many phone calls.....

 So I tell me husband of my journeys in the world of insurance phone calls and he is like, yea girl, 'you know you messed up your teeth real bad.' I sighed and said, 'yea, I know'.

But then he went on to tell me how when he met me he almost didnt continue to 'date' me because of my sweets problem. He was like, 'yea, I saw this HUGE bag of candy in your car, and I almost didnt mess with you after that'. That was a revelation to me - I had no idea it was that deep! He continued to say, 'yea, I was thinking, man this chick has GOT to be crazy, with all this candy in the car'

So I had to leave to go pick up some stuff from the store. But on the way I was thinking to myself.....wow.

Thing is, there were a number of other things that I DID know about that almost made him not want to mess with me. Namely, my lack of cleanliness, thats my biggest issue and the one thats been the most 'controversial' among us.

So Im thinking....what ELSE is there that I may not know about!? How close did he actually come to walking away, once he got to know me?!

It's been invading my thoughts from time to time since the initial conversation. When I have enough courage to face the answer, I do plan to ask him.

Funny how you never know how your individual 'family life' will be like until you are in the middle of a family.

It dawned on me the other day... I think up until now, I have had expectations that me and my husband would have a lot of time for each other - that we would spend lots of time together, watch TV, etc. Bascially I just realized that I was expecting unconsciously that we would spend every waking minute toghether! Ovbiously that is an unrealistic idea....

But as I was washing the dishes, I realized that we DO spend lots of time together, much more even than most couples with 2 young kids. Its just that so much time is devoted to actually maintaining the family that you dont realize that really, you are doing this together. You get so caught up in getting through day to day that you dont realize that hey, we've been married almost three years, and this is really working for all of us.

I have this weekly advice column that I read, and last week someone made this comment:

'I heard the following line on TV yesterday and I'd like to get your reaction to it...."When you get married, you cease to exist."

Her reaction was that it was complete bull, and I agree with her.

Someone else made this comment though, and I agree...

'When you get married, or get into a committed relationship, your priorities may change or get re-arranged. And so you aren't exactly the same person you were.'

But I would take it further. For me, I think I have had to change a lot of basic things about myself to accomodate this marriage thing. I dont know if I am the only one who feels she had to change so much, but I do know that some of my Basic priorities in life have changed.

But the thing - well, two things - that keep me going through all the change is the fact that hey, I did sign on for this. I didnt know it would be so much work (And folks, THIS is what they are talking about when they say marriage is a lot of WORK). And B, I do see that I have changed for the better. So as much of a struggle as it has been I do feel I have benefitted from it.

 Two cute kids and hopefully another cute one, that helps too.

[16:32] Saraaq: I cant really understand how Xtians even celebrate it really
[16:32] topshottax: i cant believe i got clowned by a group of muslims
[16:32] Saraaq: wow
[16:32] Saraaq: lol
[16:34] topshottax: yeah it was me vs the muslims
[16:34] topshottax: on a clearly shirk day
[16:34] Saraaq: I cant believe any sane muslim would celebrate
[16:34] Saraaq: ridiculous
[16:34] Saraaq: I mean, I understand the concept,
[16:34] Saraaq: show the ones you love that you love them
[16:35] Saraaq: but damn
[16:35] Saraaq: if you are muslim do it on ANOTHER DAY
[16:35] Saraaq: lol, lemme calculate the day of the year furthest away from Valentines day
[16:35] Saraaq: THAT will be the day I will celebrate!!!!!

What is going to happen to me when this baby is born? With two little ones already, I have no choice to conclude that my life is going to become one big circle of cleaning, cooking, nursing, changing diapers, and I wont have time for anything else.

That seriously sucks. I've been trying to avoid coming to that conclusion but I do have to accept reality at some point.

Im really just not cool with that. I  know it will only be temporary, but even 6 months of living only in Babyland is just not something Im feeling right now.

I know some people would consider it chill time, time to spend 'lovingly' with the babies and all...but me, Im annoyed that I wont get to do any of the things I want to do(including my hobbies, most of which just arent baby friendly at all).