Cookie Life

OK! So the kiddies are distracted by that lovely thing we call TV, but I dont know how long that will last. And it looks like the 'one within' is taking a nap for a bit. So I will post until the thunderstorm - or should I say tornado - that is the kiddies catches up with me.

So I turned 32, whoo hoo, yay for me, whatever. Im still pregnant and have two kids under 3 to watch. Oh what joy. Lately I've been having a real rough time with it - it being my whole life and the place where it is at right now.

I AM TURNING INTO MY MOTHER. I AM SERIOUSLY TURNING INTO MY MOTHER. AND I HATE IT!!!!!! I see now what my mom had to struggle with when she had all six of us and had to deal with us day after day. Whats sparking these thoughts is that I have not had a true break from these kids in months - the reasons for that are irrelevant, the fact still remains. But too much of kiddies/kiddies/kiddies in your life, plus cleaning and cooking, and changing diapers, and it just becomes a never-ending cycle. I cook, clean, change diapers, wash kids, cook, do laundry, ad infinitum. You start to feel like a Stepford wife!!! ( I just saw parts of that movie for the first time the other day.)

There is no time to stop and regroup my thoughts. I used to do that at night, after the kids were asleep. Now I actually fall asleep right about the same time I do. I haven't been able to make it through any of my 10 o'clock shows YET - I make it to about 10:40 and miss the last, and most important third of every show.

And forget actually DOING something that I would love to do that is non-kid involved in any way - thats out of the question. I can barely sit at the computer for more than 10 minutes without one of them climbing on my lap, or getting into a fight that I have to go break up, or dragging a chair into the kitchen and trying to play with the stove (!). Even in this post, I've stopped to give them some breakfast, Im hoping to get another 10 minutes out of that.

My pelvic bone hurts like hell after about a half an hour of housework, yesterday I walked to safeway and back, and felt like I had arthritis the entire time. (I didnt get anything done after I came back of course, just too exhausted).

I think about what I can to to relieve this 'cycle of horror' but I really dont come up with much. At this point, a breakfast or lunch with friends? Would I really enjoy that, or would I just feel annoyed that I have to return to the cycle after that? A shopping spree with others, that might be nice, right? Only I can count on one hand the number of times I have actually BOUGHT anything when I went shopping in a group. I've been going to the thrift stores waaaaaaaaay too long - at this point Im not even interested in going to old navy, gap, lane bryant, any of them, Im not gonna pay 15 bucks for a shirt!! (Its not the greatest mentality to have, but there it is.) Its still too cold for walks in the park, but it doesnt matter. The trick is to get my MIND focused and thinking about something, preferably somethings, completely unrelated to children and home maintenance. Oh yea, without going into subjects that are depressing to me because of my lack of ability to follow through on them, like my various crafting endeavors.

aaaaaaaaaaaaa, here comes the tornadoes.........guess there will be more later....if Im still around......!!!!!

 

[16:36] Saraaq: Im so excited!
[16:36] Saraaq: april 5th Im gonna start this yoga class
[16:36] Saraaq: yoga or somthing
[16:36] Saraaq: I dont even care what, how sad is that
[16:36] Saraaq: anyway they have child care
[16:36] Saraaq: and its once a week
[16:37] Saraaq: and at the end I get either a breast pump or car seat
[16:37] Saraaq: I think Im gonna go for the breast pump
[16:37] Saraaq: but
[16:37] Saraaq: it will be something to do away from the kids!
[16:38] Saraaq: I tell you, I gotta blog it
[16:39] Saraaq: becuase Allah does truly provide what you need, WHEN you need it.